Progressive Liberals never seem to fully and clearly proclaim their objectives. In my opinion, the reason for this is because most people wouldn’t subscribe if they knew the full extent of their objectives. So, after years of observing and trying to make sense of what it is progressive liberals actually want, I have formulated a mission statement on their behalf.

The Progressive Liberal Mission Statement

WE, THE UNION OF SOCIAL PROGRESSIVES AND ACTIVE HUMAN EQUALITY, STRONGLY AND FORCFULLY PROPOSE THE FOLLOWING POLICIES AND CHANGE FOR A BETTER AND MORE CONTROLED AND FUNCTIONAL SOCIETY:

1. Under our proposed new policy — which everyone should be strong-armed and compelled by law to adopt. ALL MEMBERS OF OUR NEW WORLD ORDER AND IDEAL SOCIETY (except for a selected group of elite policy makers) will sign-on and commit to living their lives after the manner which WE prescribe. We have enlisted the brightest minds and most influential communicators from within the mainstream media and social elite, along with a core group of dedicated followers to help us institute and enforce this new system.
2. If any part of this new revolutionary proposal troubles anyone, our recommended suggestion is for those people to simply smarten-up and refrain from being so easily bothered by such matters. Certain studies have shown that people are much happier when they allow other – more qualified people to do their thinking for them.
3. As we will be anxiously engaged and extremely busy refining the template of this great new cause, we will have neither the time nor the desire to explain ourselves. The fact that our intentions are good, and that we consider our ideas to be a product of superior thinking is all anyone will ever need to know.
4. The plan will be for everyone to live in a manner where we (via our special selected committee) will decide what is best for everyone else. It will be easiest if everyone will simply put their trust in us and understand that we care and maintain the very best of intentions; therefore resistance to this new system cannot be tolerated as it could diminish our authority and control, thus threatening the entire program. This would be completely unacceptable.
5. It will be extremely important (and helpful to us) for everyone to remember that we have discovered ourselves to be great visionaries, and feel that it only stands to reason that we know what is best! We thank you for your understanding and willingness to start doing everything our way. We believe that ours is the better plan for a more functional society. We base this on the idea that our social policies are conceived and designed by people who simply care more, and are far better equipped to think through such matters.

-TomZom