The man in the middle

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When an argument of any kind breaks out it seems only natural that there be a third-party. Another human life who can give that third-party perspective, to try to keep the whole situation as “fair” as possible.  Seems like a fool-proof plan to keep both sides of the argument in line, and under control right?

WRONG!

The middle man is probably one of the most unfair, and uncomfortable positions you can ever put a person in, especially if said “Middle Man” is friends with both parties involved! It’s a set up to take sides so no matter how you spin it, shake it, toss it or whatever you want to do with it, you’re going to end up doing one of three things.

1). You’re going to offend one of the people who forced you into the argument.

2). You’re going to offend BOTH of the people who forced you into the argument .

3). You’re going to be no help whatsoever, and make the entire situation WAY worse than it already was to start out with.

Seems like the simple solution would be to quit putting people in that awkward position of having to choose sides, and throw in their two cents about your stupid, idiotic, unimportant, and personal debate. But, of course, we as humans don’t think that way, oh no! There (seemingly) must ALWAYS be that someone who people can rely on to “have their back.” Well, I’m going to give you some advice that could quite possibly save a whole ton of hoopla for all those “Middle Men” out there.

Are you ready for it? Okay, here it comes…..

DEAL WITH YOUR OWN ARGUMENTS!

There it is, I said it. You started it, you finish it. You can’t always rely on another person to take your side! why? Because 99.9% of the time, the person who you so forcefully added to your little debate does not give two flying flips of a McDonalds McDouble about what your little argument is even about! So why in the world would you even begin to be the least bit offended with the opinion of the person who was forced to GIVE their opinion in the first place?

My guess? It is because most of the time, the opinion given from the third-party or “Middle Man” is generally going to be the most straight forward, and honest answer you’re going to receive. It, by default becomes their job, starting from the time you forced them into your business, to observe, and see both sides equally, and to create common ground for both parties to put their differences to rest. So what happens? their views end up getting shot to the ground — generally by both parties, because they didn’t magically agree with 100% of either party.

In conclusion, I would just like to say this: Cut the middle man some slack as you brought that person in to the argument in the first place! Show some dang appreciation to those who have to sit there and listen to some debate that they didn’t even start, are not at all involved in, and are now obligated to finish. You’re NOT going to win every single one of your arguments. If you feel the need to have a “Middle man,” then listen to whatever it is they have to say. Be open to the advice they give — YOU ASKED FOR IT!

-Venus

Love or Hate?

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Preface:

(Allow me to reiterate, if you haven’t read my blogs before, that I love the human race.  I love people and individuals.  I love learning about people’s life experiences, and while I do not agree with everything everyone chooses to do, I do believe the greatest gift God gave us is our freedom of will.

That being said, I do NOT tolerate bullies in any form, and will stand up for anyone who is peaceably living their life WITHOUT infringing on the life, liberty, or pursuit of happiness of others.)


I’ve noticed throughout the years that ever since things started to become “politically correct” that the wolf of hate has more and more frequently donned the proverbial sheep of love’s clothing.

Lets look at a very obvious example.  The Westboro “Baptist Church.”  I think we can all agree that a group who pickets funerals of fallen soldiers with signs that say “Thank God For Dead Soldiers” along side other signs that say “God Hates F*gs” is more than a little misguided and is spewing hate.  The really sad part about this organization is that they have convinced themselves that they do this out of love.  They believe so vehemently  that God is dooming this nation because of the acceptance of homosexuality.  Check it out for yourself here.

Do I agree with “gay marriage?” No.  But that’s a different post altogether.

On the flip side we have the Chik-fil-A protesters.  Remember this guy? His name is Adam Smith and he was the CFO of Vante.  After making a fool of himself by way of video-selfie and harassing a young woman who was just doing her job, he takes his frustrations about the whole corporation out on her.  Then he has the brilliant idea to post it online.  Guess what?  He got fired.  Vante stated,

“Vante regrets the unfortunate events that transpired yesterday in Tucson between our former CFO/Treasurer Adam Smith and an employee at Chick-fil-A … Effective immediately, Mr. Smith is no longer an employee of our company.”
“We hope that the general population does not hold Mr. Smith’s actions against Vante and its employees.”

If you didn’t watch his video that I hyper-linked, let me set the stage and give you some of his gems.

He’s mad because the CEO of Chick-fil-A for publicly stating he was in support of traditional marriage and had given money to organizations that support traditional marriage.  During the filming of this video, Chick-fil-A was under a lot of backlash, and other individual supporters of traditional marriage showed up in droves around the country in support of the CEO’s statement and beliefs.  Chick-fil-A’s all over the country were running out of food because they had no idea of the support that would come in.

But there was another group of people as well.  A smaller group of people that were trying to counteract the income of all the support Chick-fil-A was receiving by ordering a free water. 

REALLY?!?

Are there really so many people arrogant enough to think that a handful of people ordering nothing but water would counteract the sales of millions of people waiting in lines miles long to purchase any product they could just to show their support?

Some of Adam Smith’s quotes, while he’s waiting to order and in the process of getting his free water.

“People have to have their Chick-fil-A, anti-gay breakfast sandwich.  Mmm! Always tastes better when it’s full of hate! Mmm! Yeah. Love it!”

“Here I go!” said with an enthusiasm of someone about to go on a roller coaster.

“Is this my free water? You know why I’m getting my free water, right?  Because Chick-fil-A is a hateful organization.”

“The corporation gives money to hate groups.”

Groups he was referring to?  Winshape, a Christian organization that supports traditional marriage. The Marriage and Family Foundation, that supports traditional marriage.  The Family Research Council, another organization that supports traditional marriage.  Other information on it here.

So once again, before you go saying that “traditional marriage is against gay rights,” you didn’t read my other blog on gay marriage.  Please, read it here.

Believe it or not, I actually do have love for all people.  “Marriage” is what defines the religious union between a man and a woman, bound by God.  Trying to “redefine marriage” to me makes about as much sense as trying to “redefine gravity.”

So on to my main point.  I saw this on Facebook, and I could not ignore it.   Please take the time to read and watch this whole video so we’re on the same page.

And in case you don’t here are some quotes from it.

“Jihad is means, and not a goal in and of itself.  It is a means to establish monotheism on the land.”  “I have been commanded to fight the people until they testify…”

“The life and property of a Mushrik (someone who worships another than allah) holds no value in the state of jihad.”

“The life and property of a Mushrik becomes ‘halal’ (officially allowed by sharia) while in a state a jihad.”

Here’s the most disturbing part,

“I have been commanded to fight the people until they say (declaration of islamic faith) and when they say (declaration of islamic faith) … their life and property become protected from me.  Which means if they don’t say ( declaration of islamic faith) their life and property are halal (free for the taking, legally) for the Muslims.”

“So the Christians do commit shirk, they are kufar (unbelievers) they are mushrakoon (polytheists.)  The mushrakoon are filthy.  They are … filthy. A spiritual filthiness which can only be purified by the purity of monotheism.  Allah calls the mushrakoon ‘nudges,’ which is a very evil thing when Allah himself calls the mushrakoon ‘nudges’ himself! They are najasa (feces, urine, filthy or contaminated) a filthy impure dirty substance. “

So in essence they believe that anyone who does not believe what they do, is filth that they must fight them until they testify the same thing that they believe, and until they do, their life and property are legally free for the taking.

All in the name of Allah.

This, from the “religion of peace.”

Then you have the favorite liberal argument, “Oh well you’re just racist.”

Really?

How do you know what’s in my thoughts and what resides in my heart?  How am I a racist for simply expressing my beliefs? How I am a racist because I address unconstitutional policies that were put into place by usurping the Constitution?

All these things have led me to the conclusion that everybody that is spewing how “hateful” and “racist” that everyone else is, are in fact the hateful people themselves, and are projecting their emotions onto others.

I recently saw another story on Facebook that caught my eye as well.   His story is very unusual, but it is coming from the mouth of a former Muslim, who converted to Christianity.  Take it for what you will. But I highly recommend you watch it here.

He saw that every Christian he encountered wanted to help him.  Out of love and compassion.  That is what Christ taught.  Love and compassion and giving.  Not killing.  Not hate.

I don’t understand why so many Americans have become intolerant of Christians, when Christians (true Christians anyway) are taught to be like Christ. In love, forgiveness, and compassion.

If we all had a little more love for one another, and followed the first two commandments, I think this world would be a much better place.

Mark 12:30 teaches us

And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.

And 31 says,

“And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.”

If we all acted like we love God and acted like we loved our neighbors, what a difference we could all make in this world.  Actions would become habits, and habits would become part of our nature.

Again, I believe the greatest gift God gave us is our freedom of will.  Our will to act how we want, and what we do with that will, is what we will stand in judgement for in the judgement seat.

-Joseph Forefathers

 

The Making of Little Fish

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No kidding, there I was, sitting in the club meeting going over the events of the past few years and trying to come up with an official history of the group. Somebody came up with the idea that we should make a commemorative gesture to those people who were the first to achieve a goal commonly held by the club members.  Maybe that would encourage diversity in our efforts and give  little competitive motivation for people to try harder to achieve something.

One of the members objected. Quite firmly. She absolutely hated the idea of giving a “first to do X” recognition. It’s not that she objected to them succeeding. Oh no, that was very commendable. Her problem was that, once you become the first person to do something, nobody else can ever be the first to do it. She felt it promoted a feeling of exclusion and inferiority by recognizing someone as better than everyone else.

After about half an hour, we just started ignoring her. I mean, really how can you make headway against that kind of belief?

That was the first time I realized what a powerful investment many people have in their own failure, and the equal investment they have in making sure no one else succeeds.

The analogy goes like this : I am a small fish in a big pond. I don’t like that. I could move to a smaller pond. Then I’d be big by comparison. But I don’t like small ponds because they’re too small and I won’t know any of the other fish and I’d be lonely. I could try to become a big fish, but that’s a lot of work and I’m not really sure how to do that anyway. Plus, I don’t really know what it is that big fish do so, if I succeed, I’d feel stupid when I’m around all the other big fish. And there’s a lot of big fish. Bigger is better, everybody knows that. That means smaller is worse. Inferior. Substandard. Worthless. Being smaller than other fish makes me feel really sad. What to do, what to do…

I KNOW! If I try to make all the other fish smaller, then we’d all be the same size, I wouldn’t have to work as hard, I’d still be in a big pond, and everyone will be happy! Wow, I’m so smart! Time to start tearing down all the other fish for their own good.

If you look, you can see this same thought process in every form of daily life. Schools make sure they cater to the lowest-performing children, causing the better-performing children to falter and begin to under-perform from a lack of support. Grading on a curve is a fine example.

The children themselves do this. Who’s considered superior in playground politics, the nerd or the jock? Who gets the majority of peer abuse, the one who over-achieves or the one who under-achieves?

But Wait! you say, The captain of the football team is successful and we don’t try to tear him down!

Sure. That’s because he’s only going to be the team super-star until he graduates in a year or two. Then he’ll be just another Average Joe. We can cut him some slack because his glory is fleeting. But the nerd will always be smart. Unforgivable.

There was a guy I knew who worked at a salvage yard. Nice guy. A little nutty, but nice. We knew each other for a couple of years and always got along great. One day I happily said that  the money I was getting for the scrap I had brought in would be enough to pay for a nice graduation dinner in the following week.

“What, your GED graduation?” he asked.

“No, college graduation.”

Suddenly, he wasn’t my friend anymore. By going to college, I was trying to be better than him, and that was intolerable. I was evil. And educated. Evil and smart. It could only be worse if I was rich… which I must be because I was graduating college. Poor people  might go but only rich people finish, everybody knows that. Ignore the fact that I’d been collecting cans off the roadside and whatever other scrap I could find to pay the bills. Let not facts get in the way of drama.

Look at movies, TV, books, and so on. Who are the villains and who are the heroes? The villains are almost always smart, self-reliant, successful, and wealthy enough to afford their own Fortress of Doom. The heroes are the tattered underdogs who have to get by on courage, stubbornness, luck, and lots of aspirin and band-aids. You get the occasional gutter-level villain, but they never last except as goons to upper-management.

Seriously, who is more popular, Spider-Man or Iron Man? The hand-to-mouth poor kid with a radioactive infection or the billionaire playboy in a fancy suit.

But Wait! you say, Batman is rich AND popular!

Yeah, and Batman is critically afflicted with multiple mental disorders. He is such a tragic figure we can forgive him for being a billionaire. Besides, he inherited it. It’s not like he did anything to earn it.

Personally, I think it’s King George’s fault. As a British colony we were populated with a lot of people who came to America because their lives in Britain stunk. Sure, there were the wealthy landowners and industrialists (by the definition of the time), but these were in the minority. If you wanted to see nobility, aristocracy, and royalty, you had to go to England. Then came the revolution and England became the enemy. So did the royals, nobles, and aristocrats. To be a plucky farmer carving a life out of the wilderness was a good thing. To be wealthy and powerful old-world nobility was a bad thing. It make you a tyrant. Tyranny is un-American, therefore success is un-American.

We are often proclaimed as the richest and most powerful country in the world, and we take great pride in that. (Actually, America is the 10th richest by most standards, but let not facts get in the way of drama.) So  think of what must it do the ego of so many people who adopt the “make all fish smaller” philosophy to know that they have invested themselves so heavily into their own failure yet live in a nation that has been so successful. It must be absolute torture. But American success is what caused the philosophy to form in the first place? Maybe winning the Cold War was the straw that broke the camel’s back? I dunno. Maybe it’s just coincidence.

Shout out, all those who believe coincidence occurs on a national or global level? Are those crickets I hear?

“Gottabefirst!” Syndrome

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I’ve been driving for over 20 years.  During this time I’ve driven through major cities in California, Washington, Arizona, Utah, Colorado, New Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Tennessee, Alabama, Florida, Arkansas, Missouri, Illinois, Wisconsin, and I’ve been a passenger in vehicles in Virginia, Hawaii, and New York City.   The only reason I relay this information is in order to show I do have a good deal of experience on this topic.

So I’ve seen a lot of drivers, and driven a lot of places.  I have to say that by far the most polite drivers I’ve ever had the privilege of sharing the road with were in Seattle, WA.  They abide by the speed limit, they signal before changing lanes, they slow down in wet weather to accommodate poor driving conditions, and most importantly of all, they slow down when you signal so you can change lanes!  I even saw a traffic accident that happened right in front of me, and people immediately began slowing down and driving around the cars involved.

So if anybody from Seattle, WA is reading this, Thank You for being a courteous driver!

I’m sure the rest of us either remember or at least know about a little cartoon featuring Goofy called “Motor Mania” way back from 1950.  If you don’t know it, please, watch it.

I’ll wait.

(You know you want to watch it.)

… (6 minutes 39 seconds later) …

Welcome back.

Now that we’re all on the same page, I think it’s safe to assume that most of us, myself included, have been “Mr. (or Ms.) Wheeler”  at one point in time or another.

However in every other major city I’ve driven in, through, and around, I usually wind up sharing the road with Mr.-freaking-Wheeler.  And I don’t know why.  It doesn’t make sense.  Just doing the math about how many drivers occupying the road that have at least 5 years of driving experience you’d think that the majority of drivers are not novices.  Yet that’s how they behave.

So what is the “gottabefirst syndrome?” It’s the mental disorder that affects all drivers who allow their reasoning skills to be overrun by their desire to be the first driver … to reach the next stop light.

And THAT is what bothers me so much about them.  They are more than willing to be reckless drivers making poor choices and endangering everyone on the road around them simply so they can be the first one to reach the next stop light, sign, yield sign, traffic jam.  Trust me.  I know.  I’ve done it.

I know what it’s like to “just be in a hurry,” or “he cut me off, so I have to teach him a lesson,” or “I’m late for work, again!”

Regardless of your reason, TRUST ME, it’s NOT worth it!

Through personal experience I’ve learned that when you are more courteous to other drivers, and treat them as you would want to be treated, 9 times out of 10 you get cut off, flipped off, or even driven off the road!  People seriously lose their minds when they get behind the wheel of a car, and suddenly nothing in the world matters except their desire to get where they are going; anyone who gets in their way be DAMNED!!!

WHY has this become the norm in how we treat each other while on the road?  Why does it seem that reaching our destinations, and doing so in short order, has become critically more important than preserving the private property, sanity, and most importantly the LIVES of everyone with whom we are sharing the road?!?

In the city where I grew up you had to be VERY aggressive in order to just use the on-ramp to the highway.  In fact all your driving in my hometown needed to be more aggressive in order to just make it from point A to point B.  If you put on your blinker, you know you’re going to have to speed up and take that slowly opening spot, otherwise the cars behind you will see your blinker and speed up in order to get in front of you.

I used to drive a little four cylinder car, and was accelerating as fast as it would allow me from the access ramp to the highway, and an 18 wheeler in that first lane refused to slow down, regardless of the 15-20 car lengths between us, and forced me onto the shoulder so I wouldn’t get hit.

Or the numerous times driving from the access ramp to the highway when you have your blinker on, and the jerks behind you speed up, cut you off to get in front of you, just to make the very next off ramp!  All which could have been avoided, if they had just used a little common sense, slowed down, let you in, then they could calmly take the exit ramp.

Where I grew up, I learned it was necessary to be an appropriately aggressive AND defensive driver, in order to deal with the other inconsiderate  drivers on the road.  You can count on everyone on the road to be aggressive, so you can easily predict what they’re going to do and you drive in response accordingly.

Where I live now…is even worse.  It’s still a relatively large city, but at least where I grew up you knew drivers were aggressive, and predictably so.  But here, they’re not… But sometimes they are.  And sometimes they give mixed signals…literally.

Pop quiz on rules of the road:

If two cars simultaneously approach an intersection  with a 4 way stop, and the cars are perpendicular to each other, who has the right of way?

Answer: The car to the right.

I have already lost count of the number of times, that I was the car on the left.  I attempted to give way, and the car to the right waves me on.  And after several awkward seconds of me waiting for them to move through the intersection they wave me on to proceed.  After they wave me on, they begin accelerating to a point where if I had not reacted by accelerating even more  quickly, they would have hit me in the middle of the intersection!  I can’t help but think, “What is wrong with these people?!?”

And this doesn’t happen every time; the truly frustrating part about all this is that nobody is consistent.  You can never predict what the other drivers are going to do.  Sometimes they are polite, sometimes they cut across 4 lanes of traffic to make their exit; you just never know!

Back to my original point, we have standard rules of the road.  We have speed limits.  We have traffic lights, signs, and a plethora of information to make driving a more or less safe activity.  But when we ignore that critical information around us, because we’re too busy texting, updating status’ on social media, and we combine that lack of situational awareness and find ourselves speeding, then we have just mentioned the TOP TWO reasons for  accidents.

Distracted driving, and speeding.

“But what about drunk driving? Isn’t that the top cause of accidents?”

Nope…it’s number three.

Number 4, reckless driving.

It’s not until we get to number 5 that we start getting reasons that are beyond the control of the driver.  The 5th top reason for accidents is rain.

Which brings me to my next story.

I was driving home from work one day, and it was pouring, cats and dogs.  Sheets of rain were coming down.  I was in the fast lane, the speed limit was 65, and I was only doing 40.  I was passing other cars, but I felt safe doing it.  Enter reasons 2, 4, and 5 for the top causes of accidents.  This massive 4X4 was flying down the road, coming up from behind FAST.  He was definitely exceeding the speed limit (#2), driving extremely recklessly (#4), AND it was raining (#5).  While I was in the process of thinking, “This guy is literally going to kill me,” he swerved unnecessarily around me, getting into the lane to my immediate right.  (This is an 8 lane, divided highway, again I’m in the far left lane.)  So I let off the accelerator as he passed me on the right, and am VERY glad I did so, as he cut me off as he returned to the far left lane.  But in doing so, he fishtailed, as I was still slowing down, and he over-corrected from the shoulder lane, consequently slamming into the tail end of the car that was in front of me, which was approximately 10 car lengths away, as I was keeping ample distance from all the cars in front of me, due to the rain.   Both cars began spinning across the remaining 3 lanes of traffic to the right, and the impacted car ended up in the ditch, the offending truck hit a street sign.

I stopped on the left shoulder to call 9-1-1.  I stayed there until emergency crews showed up, and gave my report to the police, since I figured I was the primary witness.  The only reason I did not get out to attempt to render aid, is because immediately after the accident, the flow of traffic continued flowing as normal.  It wasn’t safe for me to cross 4 lanes of traffic on foot, in the torrential downpour.  When the police showed up and asked if I was involved, I told them I just wanted to give a statement, and he told me to meet him at the nearest gas station.  When I met him there he told me both parties were transported to the hospital via ambulance.

What I’m getting at is that the top four causes for accidents are all driver induced, preventable, and selfish reasons!

The next time you get into a car, think about others.  Think about safety.  Your text message can wait.  Your meeting may start without you, but at least you’ll be alive to attend it.  And for the love of all that is good and holy, call a freaking cab, uber, lyft, or designated driver! Do NOT think you are safe to drive a car if you have consumed more than one drink of alcohol per hour.

Don’t be a victim of “Gottabefirst Syndrome.”  It’s 100% preventable, because it’s a choice. The top 4 causes of accidents are because of selfishness.  Be a part of the solution by choosing how you drive.  We can lower these stats by making a simple choice.

Drive safely.

 

-Joseph Forefathers.

EQUAL but not the SAME.

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I am a fan of the arts. I believe that we can really learn much about humanity by studying Arts and Humanities. Theatre and especially musical theatre really speak to me because it is a fun way to get different perspectives on the human condition.  Sometimes when I see a play or musical, some line or concept will strike me as important and will resonate with me for a while.

This is the case with  a beloved (as well as award winning) production titled, “Into the Woods.” The entire production is chock full of lessons worth learning. It is interesting because the show itself is an amalgamation of many classic fairy tales. Many people don’t realize that before Disney came along and gave everything a “happily ever after…” many of these stories didn’t go as well for each protagonist as one might hope. The purpose behind these  ‘not so happy’ endings was to teach a lesson. I have appreciated that, and  tried to learn as much as I can about classic fairy tales as a result.
One of the songs from “Into the Woods” is titled “I know things now” and is performed by  Little Red Riding Hood, after her rescue from the wolf. She proceeds to summarize her bad experience and explain how she learned many things the hard way and especially that, “Nice is different from Good.”

That particular line has resonated with me in the years since I first heard it. The terms “Nice” and “Good” could easily be written off as synonymous. The wolf was ‘Nice’ to Red as she skipped through the forest to Granny’s and suggested that she stop to pick flowers to bring to Granny rather than continue straight on her path as her mother had instructed.  The  seemingly ‘Nice’ action was ultimately not ‘Good’ in that it resulted in Red straying from her path and giving away information that put herself and Granny in terrible danger.

This has stuck with me and comes to mind as I contemplate the point behind this post (Sorry it took so long, sometimes you need a good setup before getting to the meat of an article!)

Much the same as “Nice” can be different from “Good”; “Equal” can be very different from “Same”.

What do I mean by that? Well just take a look at society! We are bombarded by cries for ‘Equality’ at every turn.
“Give us equal rights!” they cry! And why shouldn’t they? As human beings we tend to crave “Fairness”. We want to walk alongside our fellow human beings, not beneath them! We can, and we SHOULD push for equality, however…. ‘Equal’, is different from ‘Same’.

What do I mean by this?

Lets take the feminist movement to begin with.  For centuries women were seen as “lesser” than men. The ‘weaker’ sex and therefore given less credibility and privilege. Women  were seen as little more than property, a step or two above cattle. I could write multiple posts on the evolution of women’s rights and how far we have come. From Women’s suffrage, to equal pay for equal work, to the number of women receiving higher education, we have made GREAT advances! I’d even go so far as saying that in many instances we have achieved a level of Equality!

However,

We STILL cannot say that Men and Women are the SAME. We aren’t, it simply isn’t true. We are fundamentally, physically, emotionally different, and as such, there are things that we are simply incapable of being equal on, and thats OKAY!

Another issue is that of racial equality. I will be the first to stand up in defense of someone who is being belittled, degraded, put down, or bullied in any way shape or form, because they have a different color skin, speak a different language or come from a different country. That sort of behavior is unacceptable.

However,

To say that we are the ‘same’ is also untrue. Differences in culture can be very distinct. Even if the  groups are in the same country/state/city/or even town. The black community is one that is very tight knit. Hispanics tend to behave like a big family, and That. Is. GREAT! I think its wonderful that the different cultural groups have such strong identities, however that doesn’t allow for certain types of ‘equality’.
When a group can regularly address each other using a term that is generally considered derogatory, and when I could potentially get into severe, even legal trouble, for using the exact same term, simply because I do not belong to that group….That goes beyond “not the same” that is unequal.

And finally, I have to go ahead and address the elephant in the room  when it comes to the big “equality” debate these days.

The LGBT community cries for “equality”.  Now, I will state the same as I did for other ethnic groups; “I will be the first to stand up in defense of someone who is being belittled, degraded, put down, or bullied in any way shape or form, because they have a different (sexual orientation) That sort of behavior is unacceptable.”

However,

Here is where we MUST recognize how we CANNOT be the ‘Same’! How we must recognize that “equality” does not mean “special privileges for those who want them”.

Let’s look at the ‘transgenders and bathrooms’ issue. I will have to put my foot down on this one. The concept of ‘Gender identity’ is another long debate/discussion, but at its core, it’s asking us to give special privileges to people who want to be something that they are  very simply, NOT.  I’m sorry, but thats where I stand on that issue. Once again, I refuse to treat them in a negative fashion,  but if someone who is biologically male, and dresses, behaves and tells people that ‘he’ is a ‘she’ wants to use the bathroom designated for females, I’m sorry, but that is a special privilege, they are seeking, not ‘equality’.

‘Marriage’ is a religious term that does not need a redefinition. Does this mean that I don’t think a gay/lesbian couple should be together if they want to be? What I ‘think’ is neither here nor there. If they want to be together, that is their choice, not mine. When  my religious freedoms are being threatened with legislation, then it becomes my business.  I do believe there is a solution possible, if we take the word “marriage”  out of the equation. My good friend Joseph Forefathers recently discussed this. I am in favor of his solution.

I think our society has spent too much time  defining and redefining ‘equality’. We have forgotten that it is OKAY to be different!  Real inequality, especially in a political sense, would be not allowing someone to vote/own property/secure a job/get an education because of their gender/skin color/ethnicity/sexual orientation; that is unfair. That is unequal.

Differences make our world more interesting, and we CAN be equal without being the same!

Why the “Gay Marriage” Debate Will Never Be Settled

Blog-Icon---Religion

As stated in previous posts, I am a Christian, and a conservative, but before you just click on to the next page, hear me out, because I may not come across as offensive as the title may suggest.

For us Christians marriage was designed by God Himself when He created Adam and Eve.  He created Eve as “an help meet” for Adam as a companion and spouse.  So because marriage is as old as the human race itself, it is by and far a religious institution and according to the first amendment of the Constitution

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion…” therefore Congress has no right or say on what “marriage” is defined as.  Because, for us Christians, marriage was created by God, and trying to change the definition of marriage is as ridiculous to us as trying to change the definition of the law of gravity.

What I’ve observed over the years is that those that believe otherwise, and feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, is that they believe that marriage is a government institution and therefore needs to be governed by the laws of man.   And surely this must be so if marriage is recognized by state laws, and we have tax breaks for married couples, surely marriage is a government institution, right?

Well considering the fact that the Constitution was written specifically to protect religious freedoms, ie, that you may practice how you want, or are free to not practice any religion at all, and the Constitution specifically does state, in the 10th Amendment,

“The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.”

we can infer that marriage is not governed by the Constitution, and is left up to the states.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Lets examine the Bible for marriage references.

1 Corinthians 7:38,

Luke 20:34, 

John 2:1

Hebrews 13:4

Matthew 22:9

Ok, I could keep listing numerous scripture references, but I think you get the point…marriage is in the Bible, and if we read Genesis 4:1 it clearly states that Adam and Eve were married.

If the Bible clearly states that Adam and Eve were married, and Adam and Eve were created by God, and the Bible is religious text, then it can hardly be argued that marriage is NOT religious.   And if marriage IS religious, then the 1st Amendment applies and “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion.”

So say us Christians.

On the flip side, I hear the argument all the time, “Marriage is between two people that LOVE each other.” And “equal rights for gays and lesbians!”

But from a Christian viewpoint, if God created Adam and Eve, and Adam and Eve were married, then it stands to reason that only a man and a woman are even ABLE to get married.  So like the gravity analogy, for us Christians, it’s like saying you want gravity to only apply in certain situations.   It’s like saying, “Well, just because the majority of right handed people are affected by gravity doesn’t mean we should all be affected by it, so gravity shouldn’t apply to anyone who is left handed. LEFTIES of the world unite!”

So it’s not about us not loving you; we DO LOVE YOU! It’s not about discrimination, it not about hate, or bullying.  But what you’re asking simply does not make any sense!

…to us.

And on that note,  let it be known, that I do have many gay and lesbian friends, and no, not just “facebook friends.”   These are people from my childhood.  From college.  From life.  And I would personally take a bullet for any of them because I love them!

I DO NOT CONDONE BULLYING, AND ABHOR IT IN ANY FORM!!!

So back to trying to explain the flip side, I can empathize and attempt to understand why “it’s not fair” that just because laws are written a specific way, that it prevents you from “marrying” the one you love.

So, here’s my solution.

Government no longer recognizes marriage.

Yup, I said it.  Take marriage out of the equation.

From now on, government can only recognize and authorize what I’m going to call “legal unions.” And ANY TWO consenting adults (younger with parental consent) can get a “legal union.”  You can only get ONE legal union at a time.  You can sever it at any time through the courts, and get another legal union to somebody else, but only one current union at a time.  Go ahead and transfer all current marriages into unions and throw away the “legal marriage certificates.”  Put any name you want on it, bond, partnership, couple-hood, anything, except marriage.  A government “legal union” will give you all the same rights, tax breaks, etc. as a marriage, but it is NOT a marriage.

Because marriage is a religious institution, marriages will still be performed, but only by authorized members of the clergy from religious organizations.  If you want a “marriage” it can ONLY be done in a church, but a marriage gives you only the recognition of the church that performed the marriage, NO LEGAL RIGHTS.

Which brings me to another topic that I have to address, but won’t go into too much detail.  The Oregon couple who were forced to pay $150,000 in damages to a lesbian couple for choosing not to bake them a wedding cake.  This is where things cross the line.  The Oregon couple had served and sold their bakery goods to this lesbian couple before, but because of their Christian beliefs, felt it was a violation of their conscience to bake a cake for a same-sex wedding.  (What happened to “We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone for any reason?”) This baker couple’s 1st Amendment rights were violated when they were forced to pay anything for a reason like this.  This is a very slippery slope, because how long before the government starts forcing churches to perform weddings that aren’t in alignment with their beliefs?

So because all this is very unlikely to ever happen, this is why the “gay marriage” debate will never end, and probably never be resolved.

Obviously any two people who are in love can’t deny their feelings.  Conversely, people who are bound at a fundamental level in their faith, can’t deny their feelings either.

My attempt at a resolution  by introducing the “legal union” is an attempt to agree to disagree on a legal level, and to keep the peace, and try to make everyone happy.

Your thoughts?

 

-Joseph Forefathers

50 Shades of the War on Women

Blog-Icon---Pop-Culture

In this day and age you’d think some basic things that have plagued our society would be addressed.   We all know tobacco is bad. There’s an entire organization specifically dedicated to raise awareness about the harmful affects of smoking. (Truth campaign, anyone? I love their ads!)

Well there is something that is as old as the oldest profession, that has always loomed in the dark corners of society, that most people rather not talk about but we all know is there.  Ok, that’s not entirely true, a lot of people talk about it all the time.  Because it’s become “normal,” and “acceptable.”

I’m talking about pornography.

From mainstream movies like Don Jon, to scientific studies conducted introducing the concept of the Coolidge effect, it has become glaringly obvious that pornography is NOT a GOOD thing!

Especially in this day and age of high speed internet where not only is any amount of pornography available at our fingertips, but in blazingly fast internet speeds.  The speed here is important because if you click on the hyperlink I have on the Coolidge effect it says:

“What happens when you drop a male rat into a cage with a receptive female rat? First, you see a frenzy of copulation. Then, progressively, the male tires of that particular female. Even if she wants more, he has had enough. However, replace the original female with a fresh one, and the male immediately revives and gallantly struggles to fertilise (sic) her. You can repeat this process with fresh females until he is completely wiped out.

This is called the Coolidge effect—the automatic response to novel mates. It’s what might have started you down the road to getting hooked on Internet porn.”

It has become SUCH an issue that organizations have popped up because pornography addiction has become rampant, and we are desperately trying to fight it.  Organizations such as Porn Harms, Fight the New Drug, and Porn Addicts Anonymous to name a few.

So if we consider that high speed internet gives an opportunity for the Coolidge effect (ie many “partners” in rapid succession) but READING an erotic novel takes more time, effort, and commitment, causing the reader to have longer dopamine releases then why, OH WHY, do people STILL call them “romance novels,” or “adult novels” when it truly is nothing more, than porn?

If you click here it leads to a site called “Your Brain on Porn” and it addresses this specific issue from a recovering addict, who states,

I find erotic stories can be worse than porn in some ways, as it takes much longer to read a story, which can lead to very long dopamine rushes. They are often broken up into multiple parts, which the author keeps building upon, leading to an endless need to keep returning for a fix.

You think binging for hours for that perfect shot in a video is pathetic? Imagine searching for that “perfect” scene in a sea of words. Looking for that one sentence in a 20 page story that will scratch that itch. Not in this story? How about the next one? The next one.. Years of my life have been wasted chasing the fix in erotic stories. sigh

So porn is bad.  No matter what form it’s in.  Video. Pictures. Novels. You name it, Porn = BAD.

Now that this poorly written porn fan fiction has turned into a movie, women all over the country are falling over themselves to go watch it.

Pause

Hold that thought.

If you are familiar with the “war on women” you know it’s a common phrase to denote certain conservative policies that really aren’t about women’s rights, as much as they are trying to push their own liberal agenda of “free health care” i.e. contraceptives, abortions.

Unpause

The 50 Shades series has recently released the movie version of the first book.  In it, the protagonist begins a relationship with a man who introduces her into the BDSM lifestyle.

BDSM AKA Bondage, Dominance, Sadism and Masochism. Or Sadomasochism. I’m only going to address the latter two.

If we go to the DSM IV {Diagnostic Standards for Mental Disorders] (I know the DSM V has recently been published, and I’ll address that in a minute) it states the diagnostic criteria for sexual sadism are

“A. Over a period of at least 6 months, recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors involving acts (real, not simulated) in which the psychological or physical suffering (including humiliation) of the victim is sexually exciting to the person.

B. The person has acted on these urges with a nonconsenting person, or the sexual urges or fantasies cause marked distress or interpersonal difficulty.”

(Sounds like something we should all know the definition of… something called RAPE.)

Masochism was actually only addressed in the DSM III, and taken out of the DSM IV, but part of the definition in the 3rd edition is this:

“The masochist deliberately provokes, solicits, and incites angry, disparaging, and rejecting responses from others in order to feel on “familiar territory”: humiliated, defeated, devastated, and hurt.”

The full description is here.

 

Now as far as the DSM V is concerned this 5th edition has made a drastic change and has begun using an umbrella term called “Paraphilic Disorders” to identify any unusual sexual behaviors, but ONLY (get this) IF the person “feel(s) personal distress about their interest, not merely distress resulting from society’s disapproval; OR ha(s) a sexual desire or behavior that involves another person’s psychological distress, injury, or death, or a desire for sexual behaviors involving unwilling persons or persons unable to give legal consent.”

Essentially saying that no matter what your sexual exploits are, it’s no longer  a “mental disorder” unless you feel personal distress about it.

Unless you feel personal distress about it.

So now the medical community is saying that you only have a sexual mental disorder IF YOU feel personal distress about your own actions?!?  (ie a rapist only has a mental disorder if he or she feels bad about being a rapist.)

That is giving the green light on so many different things that I didn’t even want to address in this post but now feel obligated to. I mean, do I even have to say it?

Pedophilia, necrophilia, beastiality.

(And if anyone reading this even attempts to rationalize pedophilia, necrophilia, or beastiality, then you are clearly not a rational person, and I will not dignify any attempt of rationalization with a response.)

Back to the topic at hand, sadism is “intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors involving acts (real, not simulated) in which the psychological or physical suffering (including humiliation) of the victim is sexually exciting to the person. ” And masochism is WANTING to “incite…feel(ings) on ‘familiar territory’: humiliated, defeated, devastated, and hurt.” (Once again, rape.)

There is nothing about either of these behaviors that is healthy. There is nothing about either of these behaviors that is “average.”  There is nothing about either of these behaviors that is GOOD!

I had somebody try to “explain” it to me one time, because they were participants in the life style.  This person tried to tell me how BDSM is about love and trust.  Someone please tell me how causing psychological or physical suffering or wanting to feel humiliated, defeated, devastated and hurt has ANYTHING to do with LOVE!?!

Love.  Compassion. Tenderness.  Intensity. Passion.

Psychological & Physical harm. Humiliation. Devastation. Defeat.

These feelings cannot healthily co-exist .  And anyone who is excited by the BDSM lifestyle does in fact have a mental disorder.  Regardless of what the DSM V says, if you have these kind of feelings and they are NOT causing you personal distress, that should be even MORE of an indication that you need help with some deeper lying issue than someone who DOES have personal distress over it.

So while the mainstream media is trying to play this lifestyle off as acceptable, exciting, and “normal,” newsflash; IT’S NOT!!!  And the fact that they are promoting it as such and encouraging this type of behavior is the true “war on women.”

 

-Joseph Forefathers

 

 

I’m Offended that You’re Offended!

Blog-Icon---Social

Are you easily offended? You know — one of those who seem to be on a constant witch-hunt to find, and gratuitously take offense? Do you interject your indignity and troubled feelings (even about the smallest of things) at the drop of a hat? Do you rage incessantly with some kind of inconsolable need to find something wrong and then spin the whole thing around and make it all about you? To be clear, there are those who seem to be obsessively engaged in their own little quest to get even with the world by winning the “offended” lottery. These people are very determined and extremely focused on one overriding life altering obsession — to be the easiest and most offended person ever! Are you one of those? If so, then please, come right in and sit down, and let’s have a nice little talk just you and me.

Now, I’m gonna try and put this across in the simplest way that I know how so that hopefully you’ll understand; STOP IT!!! Stop being that way — it’s extremely unbecoming, and ultimately a real pain in the neck for the rest of us. That’s right, you heard me — quit acting like some demented hoity-toity better than everyone spoiled rotten stinky little brat! You’re not society’s Lord and Overseer, and in most cases you’re not anywhere near as smart as you think you are. Just take a step back, breathe and consider all the ramifications of throwing your stinky little fits — forcing upon everyone else the absurdity of just how offended you are. Exercise a tiny bit of social awareness and STOP BEING LIKE THAT!!!

You’ll be all right, I promise. Life will go on, and you just may be pleasantly surprised at how much easier it is to get along with others. Why? Because that’s just kinda how it all works!

Now, that’s not to say that we’re never supposed to take offense at anything. But, there’s a time, place, and reason for everything. Your problem is that you don’t subscribe to any of that — you just throw-up being offended all over the place for everybody to see!

Wait a minute, what’s that? You take offense at what I’m saying, and how I’m saying it? Well, guess what? That offends ME! Do you see what you’ve gone and done? Now I’M offended! I’m offended that you’re offended, and you have no idea at just how offended I can get. Let’s just put it this way — I invented the “offended lottery,” and can get really, really, really offended! My face gets all red and maroon in color, I stomp around, rant and yell, and believe me — everyone around me knows when I’m offended, by gosh!

So, if I were you — I’d be a little more focused on NOT offending ME!!! Why? Because I fancy MY being offended to be much more important and news-worthy than any of yours!

Yea……………! That was some pretty tough talk, eh? Did you notice how ridiculously rude and full of myself that all sounded? Get the point?

So, back to what we were originally talking about — do you think that you could possibly bring it down a few notches on the whole letting yourself become so easily offended? It would sure be nice if you did, and I can guarantee you that many of us would surely be grateful. I also believe that it would greatly contribute toward making the world a much better place, I really do!

-TomZom

The REAL Obama

Blog-Icon---Political

You only have to take a quick inventory of who Obama likes and respects, and who he dislikes and disrespects to get a clear picture of where he stands. He loves and funds the Muslim Brotherhood (terrorists). There are many MB members are on his staff. In fact, the Egyptian State paper has published that Obama is a member of the Muslim Brotherhood, for what that is worth.

He loves and funds Hamas (terrorists). During the last skirmish between Israel and Hamas, Obama was clearly and vigorously siding with Hamas against Israel. Obama is sending them hundreds of millions of American dollars which they use to buy weapons and missiles to attack Israel. He loves Iran and obviously supports their goal to achieve nuclear weapons. He refuses to support any sanctions against the mullah. He has returned 10s of billions of frozen funds to the murderous mullahs there which they will certainly use to fund their nuclear ambitions.

He seems to love Al Queda, or at least elements of Al Queda. In an unimaginable turn of alliances, U.S. military forces fought side by side with veteran Al Queda forces in Libya to overthrow Qaddafi. Libya is now a land in complete chaos, and is more or less controlled by elements of Al Queda. Furthermore, he refuses to attack Al Queda in Syria, and only tepidly and reluctantly attacks ISIS, which is a declared ally of Al Queda. And, he returned 5 of their top generals to them during an active time of conflict, while gaining in return a mentally disturbed private who defected to the enemy side.

So, Who does he not like?

He obviously “Hates”, with a deep and seething hate, the State of Israel. He has restricted Israeli visas to America, while actively promoting and shipping into America — people from every other country in the world. He attempted to choke off military arms sales to Israel in support of Hamas. He funds the PLO and Hamas with millions of dollars every year. I personally believe that if there was any State in the M.E. that Obama would delight in attacking, it would be Israel over any Muslim country or group. In his mind, Israel are the terrorists, and Hamas are the victims.

He does not like Egypt, now, since they ousted the Obama government he forced on them which was the Muslim Brotherhood. While the MB controlled Egypt, (even as the MB was calling Israel, I don’t know, monkeys and pigs or whatever) even as the MB was openly declaring their goal to attack and exterminate Israel, at the same time Obama was sending the MB tanks, fighter jets, and other weapons, along with millions and millions of dollars, all of which was halted as soon as the Egyptian people overthrew the MB and took their own government back. They rejected the Obama ‘vision’ of what their country should be.

He does not like Jordan because they are a relatively moderate and modern/Western version of Islam. Just as the Black culture in America uses the pejorative, “they ain’t Black enough’, in Obama’s world, Jordan ‘ain’t Muslim enough’ for him.

He does not like and refuses to support the Kurds, who are currently engaged with ISIS. Again, the Kurds are a more moderate and Western version of Islam, and Obama rejects this. It is curious how many air drops of weapons and supplies meant for the Kurds, have ‘accidentally’ been dropped over ISIS positions.

He obviously either does not like or is apathetic to the Yazidis and Christians in general. His anti-Christian sentiments as expressed in America are famous, and while promoting Islam all over America, Obama is simultaneously curtailing and clamping down on Christian freedom of religious expression. While story after story of the brutality, rape, slavery, torture, and murder of the Yazidis, not only does Obama do nothing about it as in supporting them, he does not even acknowledge that it is happening at all. He does not seem to think it is something worth addressing or even recognizing.

However, he was ready to destroy Israel for the crime of defending themselves against people who were actively bombing them. So, the rule seems to be, Muslims killing Jews and Christians is no big deal. Jew and Christians killing Muslims will not be tolerated.

It is time to call out the bombers. Obama’s fidelity to Islam could not be more clear. It is actually silly to deny it anymore. The closer he gets to his end of term, the more brazen his support for all things Islamic, and worse, the more brazen his antipathy for all things not Islamic becomes.

Based on the facts of Obama’s behavior, actions, words, and emotions, he is clearly a Muslim, which would be fine with everyone, I think. However, my fear is that not only is Obama a Muslim, or an Islamophile, as some people call him, but more than that he is a radical Muslim. Or at least he seems to support the groups, causes, and goals of radical Islam which is why he will not say “radical Islam”. In his mind there is no such thing as ‘terrorists’ or ‘radical Islam’. It is all simply just Islam. That is what Islam is, in his mind.

The “real” terrorists are, according to him, the Tea Party, the Israelis, White Americans, White colonialists all over the world, and the moderate apostate Muslims countries who support them.