I’ve noticed throughout the years that on social media, especially on Facebook, blogs, and other personal walls, that there are always the inevitable trolls who show up and want to throw a monkey wrench into an otherwise pleasant conversation. And inevitably once the pleasant conversation/turned debate becomes heated the troll will accuse the original poster of “surrounding themselves with like-minded people” and follow it up with something to the effect of “you just like being around people who agree with you and pat you on the back BECAUSE they agree with you on something you said.”
To all those trolls, I would like to say this; Why, YES, as a matter of fact I DO. That’s kind of the point of having FRIENDS!!!
Seriously, when did “surrounding yourself with like-minded people” become an offensive thing and more importantly something to be condescended to? And when did this become synonymous with being close minded? Because that is what is being insinuated when the comment is made.
I have a LOT of friends, from ALL walks of life. As you may have gathered from my posts, I am Christian, and I am Conservative (not to be confused with Republican.)
“Oh yeah? Well how many of your friends are Christian and Conservative?”
I have friends, close friends, that identify as all of the following: Liberal, Atheist, Agnostic, Republican, Christian (Catholic, Lutheran, Mormon, Methodist, and Non-denominational) Wiccan, and deist. That I know of. I’m sure there are aspects of some of my friends’ personal lives of which I’m unaware.
And I find it interesting, as deep rooted in my own faith as I am, most of my friends of different religious beliefs pretty much just respect me for what I believe and leave it alone.
Furthermore, I have a handful of Liberal friends with whom I disagree with and we more often than not just agree to disagree on topics.
However…
that being said, I have noticed that MOST, not all, but MOST of my Liberal friends, (and even some of my conservative friends) are the ones that seem to enjoy throwing this proverbial monkey wrench into an otherwise pleasant conversation. These Liberal friends are people I’ve known since high school, and whom I have added on Facebook. I’ve tried to communicate with them on a number of occasions, about their lives, congratulate them on engagements, ask about their military experiences, etc. But from my vantage point, it seems like the only time, and I LITERALLY mean the ONLY time they WANT to communicate is when they are bashing my political views. It got to the point where I was spending so much time defending my views from their venom on social media that i just had to delete them because I have better things to do, like…I don’t know, live my life!
So seriously, what is wrong with wanting to surround yourself with “like-minded people?” What is wrong with wanting to have friends, and have your viewpoints validated?
Furthermore, if you want to get scientific about it, does anybody remember a little thing called “Maslow’s hierarchy of needs?”
If not, let me break it down for you.
Psychologically we have five basic levels of needs. These needs are so fundamental in nature that each one of these levels of Needs needs to be met before we can move on to the next level.
The bottom tier is “Physiological Needs”, such as food, shelter, AIR, sleep, basic physical needs in order to live.
The next level is “Safety Needs,” meaning do you feel safe within your shelter, do you have employment to provide for physiological needs, do you have access to health care, should you need it, etc?
The very NEXT level on this hierarchy is “Social Needs” the need to belong, the need for love, and affection and acceptance. The NEED for friends, (also known as like minded people who care about you) is so important it’s number 3 on a list of 5!
The fourth tier is “Esteem Needs.” Basically your self-esteem, personal worth, and social recognition are not as important as your need to belong. (AKA surround yourself with like-minded people.)
And lastly, is “Self-Actualization,” which is truly interesting because it’s the only need that changes. Once you have reached this tier, self-actualization means you have a specific personal goal and once you have reached that goal it changes, because you’ve accomplished it. Furthermore, this has gone beyond Social Needs, and Esteem Needs, because you no longer care about what others think. But paradoxically, you cannot GET to this point without having first fulfilled the other two.
Furthermore, I personally feel like this life is meant to be lived and to be enjoyed. Who WANTS to spend ALL of their time arguing? It’s exhausting and depressing. Who WANTS to be exhausted and depressed all the time just for the sake of an argument? For the sake of proving a point? Or to be “right?”
Also it should be noted, I’m married. I married my BEST FRIEND. We spent a significant time while we were dating making sure that we ARE very “like-minded.” In our many years of being married, we have watched relationships develop, people marry, and subsequently fail/ get divorced because they did NOT have enough “like-mindedness” and assumed they could get by on chemistry alone. When it came right down to it, though they were more worried about winning an argument. The most common reason I’ve heard of for divorce are “irreconcilable DIFFERENCES!”
I’d much rather surround myself with people who I agree with for the sake of happiness and peace. And for those whom I consider friends with whom I disagree, it’s SO easy to say, “Well, let’s just agree to disagree, and bury the hatchet on that point,” and move on to enjoying life!
What is so important about beating the proverbial dead horse to the point that you are pissing people off, even AFTER THEY have told you several times they want to move beyond the topic to maintain civility?
I’ll give you a hint…
NOTHING!
And if you find yourself being one of these people, let me give you a word of advice:
Get OVER yourself.
-Joseph Forefathers